these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
