I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
