apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
