Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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