um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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