Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
