there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
