Im at strip club and am horny
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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