If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
