My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
