Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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