Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
