I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
