1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
