dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
