A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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