ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
