what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
