did you get engaged???
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
