Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Randomize
