How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
