i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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