420 ftw
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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