All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
