I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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