so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
