Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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