He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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