The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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