dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
