We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
