The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize