So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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