Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
