i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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