We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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