my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
