I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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