alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
