Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
