you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
