I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
