you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Enjoy the penises
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
