Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
