Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
