Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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