I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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