I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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