I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
