So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
