I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
