if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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