I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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