hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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