do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize