Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
