She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
