ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
