I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
