Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
