I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
