If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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