Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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