omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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