Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
