i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
