He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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