I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
