I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize