Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
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