just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
