I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
