Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
