I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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