so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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