I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize