Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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