If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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