if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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