Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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