If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
