Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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