My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
