Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
