I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
