My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
