i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
