He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
