I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
