Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
