morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
