she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
