I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
