New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
