I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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