This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
