double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
