how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
