Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
