spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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