We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
