You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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