I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize