i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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