There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
